I have updated multiple times without issues where others have had them and i have been ok

The funny thing is I waited two days and things somewhat stabilized.   The first 24 hours were a disaster.   I started researching replacements (Google Wifi, Ubiquity, etc.) and when I was nearing a purchase, I found that the satellites and router started showing up as updated and stable.  Still, all config and device details needed rebuilt, but at least it eventually caught up with itself.   Not sure if it was the dozen or so reboots or resyncs or just waiting things out for a few days.

That said, I am definitely moving to a new tech.  Google Wifi has a new offering coming this year that I am waiting for.  I manage a team of network engineers and architects and everyone, so far, seems to be big fans of the simplicity and elegance of the Google ecosystem for basic network.  Not a candidate if you want to run some funky custom configs with DD-WRT or the like, but for a no touch/no hassle setup, they love it.