Orbi rbr50 + rbrs50 will not update firmware automatically and will not let me update manually

You will need to download the firmware on Netgear support page by search you model number and update firmware manually. Depending which version you are on, update to the lowest version below that is above your version and do the steup up updates. Do the satellite first then the router. 

 

1.12.0.18

2.0.0.74

2.2.1.210

2.3.0.32

2.3.1.44