I have it set at 40 now and it still gets me pings at the 60-65 mark when I check it during the game.

I ran a ping test on my mac and this is what it show for the results. It's weird because I can play a game and in the first half of the game the gameplay is perfect and then when it goes to half time or maybe if the other player pauses the game, when the game resumes it starts with the lag. I've played game where several games in a row it is perfect and then after a random game it just lags. When I did my connection test on the PS4 when i first used teh XR500 my upload speeds were 20-22 mbps. After a week those speeds dropped to around 8-10 mbps and when i see the lag in the game I do the test and it's almost always 2-3 mbps. I know you say it's the ping although there is always a direct relationship of the lag and the low upload speeds.  

On a side note, I changed from Optic Fiber internet 1 Giga service to 250 mbps comcast bc the same thing was occuring with the Fiber internet. I didn't have the XR500 at the time and was using my belkin routher that was bridged to the BGW210 and also tried bridging it with the Arris 5268AC, they both did the similar issue where the speeds would drop to 2-3 mbps upload speeds while on Fiber! The usual speeds that I would get on my PS4 were 350-500 DL speeds and 150-250 UL speeds, and when i saw the lag while playing my game I would check the speeds and sure enough it would show 2-6 mbps upload speeds. 

I figured after reading the reviews and specs on the XR500 that I would be able to control my speeds as well as location of opponenets that I would not have the same issues but it is still giving me issues. I just want to resolved the issue since I know that normal game play is possible since I have played it when it was normal. It is just not consistent at all.

Another side note, I have multiple devices connected to the router such as 2 FireTvs, 2 laptops, Alexa, Ipad, Applewatch, and 2 iphones. Of course they are not all being used at the same time although 1 firetv when watchign netflix (my wife) and she may check her phone while Im playing on the PS4. I'm not sure if that plays a major role and if so what can I do to make sure it does not affect my gameplay. 

I apprecaite your help on this topis and as you can see I am determined to fix my problem. I have been dealing with this issue for the past 3 months and am still trying to find a solution. Thanks again

The ping test attached was to Easo.ea.com and had 0 packet loss.