Laggy Online gameplay

I'm at my wits end with this router!  Bought this router at the begining of April 2020 and could not get a decent online gaming experience.  Everything else works fine including streaming 4k content on my TV's.  I've tried everything i could find on the internet including calling support.  They even replace my orginal router with another new one and i'm still getting the same experience.  There is both a XBox and a PS4 my kid play and i play on PC and on all games and devices we get so much lag its to the point we cant even play!  My old netgear router had out performed this one when i switched back to it after a month of trying to get it work.  Only reason i'm trying again now is the old router just burned out.  PS4 and my PC are hardwired and my Xbox is on wifi 5ghz

Is anyone out there having the same issues that i have?  Is there any fix to it?  I'd hate to just throw it away or use it as a paperweight at this point.

I have my own modem which is also a netgear product and i use comcast internet with 250mbps speed.

Tried these steps already with no results:

enable QoS

turned on MiMu

updated firmware to current, and also rolled back a few to test though out( forgot which ones since i did these back in april)

tested my MTU settings.  1500 currently

Thanks for any input that can be given!